Blue January
Everything about January is blue. Crayola should name a crayon after the whole month. The snow gives everything a bluish tint, even in the middle of the day. The glaring white of a fresh snowfall has bits of blue reflected from the sky. The old snow has a bluish grey tint after the children are done sculpting it into snow-people and they’ve finished their long day of sledding. Almost all of my winter clothes are blue. I don’t know why, I just tend to wear blue in the winter, maybe somewhere deep down I think blue looks good with snow. My mood is even blue. Blue is just the color of January. Of course, it’s not January’s fault at all. My birthday is 6 months away from January. The novelty of my current age has long since worn off, and I’m not close enough to the next year of my life to be excited. I am most dependent and independent in January. Funny how that happens. I’m living at my parents house in January, so I’m dependent on them for things I know I can do myself. Yet, I am a solitary being. I don’t have a single friend here in White Bear anymore. They are all in Minneapolis, or North St. Paul, or Winona. I was told that I need to make being more independent while also putting my foot down about things a New Year’s resolution. I’m not sure I quite understand. I think I’m fairly independent most months out of the year, and I’m extremely assertive when I need to be. I simply don’t see the logic in fighting every battle that comes my way. It’s just easier to walk away and to compromise. Maybe that’s why I was told to put my foot down. The person who told me this, is one of the few people who I feel like I could never put my foot down around. I feel inferior quite often, and that does not give me the confidence I need to stand up for myself. This is just a vicious circle. A vicious blue circle. I’m told I look good in blue. I think the people who have told me this were talking about the color, not the mood. Unfortunately for the world, I wear the mood more than the color in the month of January. January is all about blue.
